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If You Have a Cake In Front of You, You Should Not Look Any Further For Joy.

Dec 27th, 2011 by

Have you seen the TV show The Cake Boss or Ace of Cakes?  They  make these amazingly complicated cakes for birthdays, corporate celebrations, and of course, weddings.  Fancy, schmacy cakery seems all the rage these days and it’s been interesting to watch the baked masterpieces unveiled at the important events.  There’s always clapping and the “aahhhh, oooh”-ing that would accompany any great piece of art being showcased. The sheer complexity of these sweet treats is mindblowing and having something at the wedding reception that would be so dramatic would definitely be something the guests remembered.

Of course, luckily for a pair of my old students, they opted for a generic run-of-the-mill plain white wedding cake. While helping the wedding coordinator move the cake to the center of the dance area, an unfortunately clumsy member of the waitstaff tripped and, well, basically landed face first into the baked goodness that traditionally symbolized fertility. He stood up, in slow motion, covered in buttercream frosting having pushed his head down almost all three layers. The yellow cake crumbled and tumbled out of his hair and fell to the ground, getting mashed into the carpet and adding a little extra wax to the dance floor. He was stunned, the collective gasp from the guests was louder than the music, and the bride looked horrified. Time froze and everyone wondered how the celebration would go on.

As fortune would have it, three things happened almost immediately that carried the reception glitch from wedding ruiner to joyous celebration. The DJ interrupted his playlist with Brenda Lee’s I’m Sorry. The sudden mood change went from quiet horror to a hearty chuckle, mainly from the grandfathers in the room.  Then, the groom found an untouched, untainted section of cake and brought it to his bride.  He fed her, she smiled, and then they decided to have a mini food fight which included a few tosses of cake by the tiny ringbearer. After the guests had a good laugh, it seemed the dancing would continue and the merriment was restored.  Their savvy wedding coordinator who, upon seeing the cake get demolished, quickly called the local supermarket and ordered every sheet cake they had in stock that was already made.  Granted, the cakes said happy birthday, go team, or had generic flowers on them. No one minded; they were just happy to have dessert!

If something goes awry with your cake, here are some pointers on how to handle it:

  • Remember that the cake, no matter how splendid or simple, is just one aspect of the whole day. If you let a cake issue spoil your entire reception, you will have missed out on the most important parts: being with friends and family.
  • Save what you can! If only a part of the cake gets goofed, say by your younger cousin starting to eat the frosting when no one is watching, salvage the rest.  Not a single person that is your guest will mind; though asking your head table to refrain to ensure there is enough for the other guests is perfectly acceptable.
  • If there is an alternative nearby, send someone to deal with obtaining another dessert.  Dilly bars from DQ, cupcakes from the  grocery store, or even Little Debbie Snack Cakes all make for a quick replacement in a pinch.
  • Grace.  Take deep breaths and remember to deal with this situation with grace and poise. And humor.
Anyway you look at it, the cake can be a memorable part of the occasion.  If the cake stays immaculate until it is served, it will memorialized in photos.  If the cake ends up having an issue, there will be less cake photos and more of the bride and groom.
**title quote from C. Joybell C. 

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“What cannot letters inspire? They have souls; they can speak….”

Dec 9th, 2011 by

I’ve been a reader for many, many weddings over the years. I’ve done the traditional 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 so many times, I think I have it memorized:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I’ve also been asked to read song lyrics (a phenomenon that always perplexes me; why not just have someone perform the song?) including, but not limited to Endless Love, At Last, and Groovy Kind of Love. In My Life by the Beatles is also a song-turned-reading that seemed to be a popular choice.  Luckily, as I got older, I could recommend options that may give the couple’s wedding more of the individualized tone they were looking for.  For instance, I knew one couple loved more modern touches in their lives and found this gorgeous ee cummings poem, “i carry your heart” which worked perfectly:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

The lyrical flow of this poem added to the contemporary feel of the ceremony, held in a small side room at a marble-laden museum. Both sets of parents came up to me after the ceremony and thanked me for suggesting something a little different for the reading because the couple was so clearly non-traditional.

Poetry is a great way to convey the romantic sentiment of the wedding ceremony, but one groom in my life requested that I read a love letter penned by Jack London. He wanted to read it himself but felt that he would be too choked up to finish.  I thought it was a brilliant idea and found the content to be so appropriate for this shy, sentimental man who loved his bride so dearly:

Oakland, April 3, 1901

Dear Anna:

Did I say that the human might be filed in categories? Well, and if I did, let me qualify — not all humans. You elude me. I cannot place you, cannot grasp you. I may boast that of nine out of ten, under given circumstances, I can forecast their action; that of nine out of ten, by their word or action, I may feel the pulse of their hearts. But of the tenth I despair. It is beyond me. You are that tenth.

Were ever two souls, with dumb lips, more incongruously matched! We may feel in common — surely, we oftimes do — and when we do not feel in common, yet do we understand; and yet we have no common tongue. Spoken words do not come to us. We are unintelligible. God must laugh at the mummery.

The one gleam of sanity through it all is that we are both large temperamentally, large enough to often understand. True, we often understand but in vague glimmering ways, by dim perceptions, like ghosts, which, while we doubt, haunt us with their truth. And still, I, for one, dare not believe; for you are that tenth which I may not forecast.

Am I unintelligible now? I do not know. I imagine so. I cannot find the common tongue.

Large temperamentally — that is it. It is the one thing that brings us at all in touch. We have, flashed through us, you and I, each a bit of universal, and so we draw together. And yet we are so different.

I smile at you when you grow enthusiastic? It is a forgivable smile — nay, almost an envious smile. I have lived twenty-five years of repression. I learned not to be enthusiastic. It is a hard lesson to forget. I begin to forget, but it is so little. At the best, before I die, I cannot hope to forget all or most. I can exult, now that I am learning, in little things, in other things; but of my things, and secret things doubly mine, I cannot, I cannot. Do I make myself intelligible? Do you hear my voice? I fear not. There are poseurs. I am the most successful of them all.

Jack

Whatever readings you choose, if any, for your ceremony, are but small moments of time within the wedding.  Choose them wisely to set the mood, share your feelings, and give someone close to you the chance to share in your joyous union!

 

**title quote from Héloïse to Abelard 

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A Jingle Bell “Rock”

Dec 9th, 2011 by

weddingplanning

Black Friday and Cyber Monday has come and gone, leaving me wondering how many diamonds were sold over the weekend.

I’m not much of a jewelry wearer. When Fiance and I, in the days before he was known as Fiance, would bandy about the idea of getting married, I suggested that an engagement surround sound system or engagement down-payment-on-a-new-car might be more appropriate and appreciated than an engagement ring.

Being a sweatpants and t-shirt kind of girl makes me very low maintenance in many respects, but I think this certainly made ring shopping challenging for Fiance. And to his credit, he found exactly what would suit me best. Rather than look for something with the most sparkle, he looked for something with the best story.

His search for unique wedding rings turned up an interesting find on the art of Japanese metal fusion, Mokume Gane. This technique allowed swordmakers in the 17th century to create blades that were extremely durable and highly decorative. Fast forward to today, where metalsmiths use the process to make something still pretty cool but less likely to inflict bodily harm on others.

Not only did Fiance find a ring that spoke to my inner samurai, he found the perfect person to create it. On our seventh anniversary of the day we started dating, Fiance took me to meet Andrew Nyce of Andrew Nyce Designs, a scientist turned jewelry-maker that coincidentally also held the honorable title of research fellow for our alma mater, Penn State. Andrew’s studio and store front both were located in his basement in Portland, Maine.

Clearly excited about his craft, Andrew animatedly discussed the physics of his hydraulic press; I politely informed him that I had been a Communications major, and Fiance held a degree in Recreation; and therefore, the conversation was very well over our heads.  He shared some examples of mokume gane and damascus steel rings he had been working on, but had no inventory on hand to choose from as each ring is custom created for its future owner.

Unique? One of a kind? Made by another Penn Stater? I don’t think Fiance had any doubts that I would change my mind about having an engagement ring after our trip to Portland, but what he probably didn’t foresee was putting in an order for our wedding bands that day as well.

He does seem a bit envious that I get to wear my ninja engagement ring every day and he has to wait until our wedding day to wear his.

Did you break engagement ring tradition and go with an engagement stereo? Or have you had your ring picked out since before you met your fiance? Share your stories here!

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Posted in Ceremony, rings | No Comments »

Piece ‘a Cake

Nov 29th, 2011 by

weddingplanning

Perhaps coordinating your cake tasting right after your reception tasting could be considered a tad gluttonous, but Fiance and I had our reasons:

1. Our venue is about an hour and half from where we live. We wanted to be as efficient as possible with our time out in that direction, and the savings in gas fit right into our eco-friendly theme.
2. Given that our wedding date falls in the very popular month of June, we wanted to be sure our first choice was available.
3. Fiance and I subscribe to the notion that there really is never a bad time to eat cake.  This adds to my struggle of trying to lose 22 pounds.

The prospective baker we were meeting with was someone we had found at the Bridal Show; while there were lots of little tasty treats on display from a variety of local bakers for us to sample from, the cupcakes from Colleen’s bakery were quite delectable and caught our attention. As an added bonus, their pricing was the lowest at the show, but yet their displays rivaled that of what you might see on Cake Boss or Ace of Cakes.   Colleen also crafts each delicious masterpiece with a decadent four layers, trumping the traditional cakes displaying a paltry two or three layers. We signed up for a “consultation” before leaving the show, requesting to try their Red Velvet with Buttercream frosting and Chocolate with Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ganache when we were back in town the week later.

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Thanksgiving and the Inflation of Things Other than Macy’s Parade Balloons

Nov 22nd, 2011 by

weddingplanningI love this time of year. I always get excited about having a day or two to not worry about what’s on my plate (figuratively) to enjoy what’s on my plate (literally).

Thanksgivings, much like weddings, don’t seem to be getting any cheaper. You may have seen reports that  the cost of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner has skyrocketed 13% this year compared to last, with our favorite bird being the worst offender at a staggering 22% increase!

It prompted me to wonder how much I would have saved should I have quit procrastinating sooner and planned my wedding in 2010. Interestingly enough, no index exists to give us a breakdown of how common components of a wedding have increased due to inflation over the years.  So I compiled my own from the Consumer Price Indexon the Department of Labor website for October 2011 vs. October 2010.

Food and Beverages 

The sharpest gain could be seen in the prices of lamb (25.3% increase). The level of cuteness of  proposed dinner choice must be proportional to rate of price increase each year. Fiance and I never really considered lamb; however, steak, which was initially an option, saw an 8.4% increase over last year. I’m certainly thankful we passed on the steak and decided to go with pork (5.9% increase), fresh fish (6.9% increase), and chicken (a real bargain at only a 1.6% increase over last year) instead.

The major increase in egg prices (22.8% increase) probably lead to a signficant increase in cake prices (5.1%).

Side dishes are more costly as well. Potatoes, anybody? Yes, that’s costing us 11.9% more this year than it would have last year.

Apparel

The women always get the short end of the stick. Dresses are up 2.4%, but men’s suits are actually DOWN -1.1%. Don’t worry ladies, they’ll pay for it where it counts. (Women’s underwear is up 4.9%).

Invitations 

There’s nothing on the CPI that measures invitations, so I went with Household paper products (2.5% increase). I know we aren’t making invitations out of paper towels and toilet paper, but paper is paper. I’m going to venture a guess that the labor costs to put together invitations might be lower than they have in the past given the current state of the economy, but that’s just a hypothesis.

Vendors

Photographer fees (yes, I was as shocked as you are to see this actually on the list) are up 2.5%. Thankfully, haircuts and other personal care services are only up .8%.  I wonder if my stylist will roll back to 2010 prices if I cut my hair .8% shorter.

We Might Be Paying More But…

Our guests will certainly make out just fine. Dishes and flatware, if we decide to put it on our bridal registry, are going to cost our guests 8.9% LESS this year than it would have last year.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Have an extra slice of pie for me – only seven months left for me to squeeze into that dress!

Did I read the CPI correctly? Feel free to poke holes in my research here.

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Bridal Shower Inception: A Surprise Within A Surprise

Nov 12th, 2011 by

I love surprises. I truly do. My best friend from high school broke into my house (yes, yes, that sounds bad) to sing me a song he composed on his guitar as a celebration of me getting my driver’s license.  I opened the door, and a shadowy figure sitting on the dining room table started squawking. I immediately collapsed on the floor out of surprise, nay, FEAR.  However, once I recovered and he pulled me up to my feet, I was overwhelmed with delight. I mean, if it hadn’t been so scary, it would have been very sweet! Luckily for me, he learned his lesson and that year, for my suprise birthday party, he had my father sit outside and pretend to weed the garden. My dad was talking to me as we entered the house and voila! A huge group of my very greatest friends were all there to wish me a happy birthday.

I tried to learn this lesson, but pulling off surprises can be complicated and some people hate them. If your bride is one of those people, don’t hold a surprise bridal shower. If it’s really all about her, then make sure the situation for the shower reflects her personal tastes and preferences.  I’ve seen many a bride smile stiffly through a sexy display of underwear and other bedroom accoutrements in front of mothers-in-law, grandmothers, or even 9 year old nieces. I’ve also been with very casual brides who squirm through a formal high tea sipping delicately and avoiding adding crumbs to all the table doilies. It’s not about what the host(ess) wants, but about what the bride would enjoy. Sometimes we think we are doing something special when in reality, it ends up being strained for everyone.

College friends were getting married shortly after we graduated. The Maid of Honor asked a bunch of us local gals for ideas for a bridal shower. I suggested we make it a surprise because this bride-to-be really plans her days to the minute, and a little spontaneity could only add to the festivities. Well, we gathered all the women from her work that we knew she liked, the women from her both sides of the families, and all of us bridesmaids at a casual Asian fusion restaurant.  The MOH did her best to get the bride to the celebration, but two hours later, they still had not appeared. Our reservation time at the restaurant’s specialty occassion room ran out and still, no future bride.  We called the MOH and the bride to find out where they were, but no one picked up. A couple hours later, the bride called her mother to say that SHE had planned a surprise spa day for her Maid of Honor to thank her for all her help with the wedding. She took their cell phones, locked them in the car, and wouldn’t take no for an answer from the MOH. The Maid of Honor kept thinking the massage was the only surprise and was hoping she wouldn’t have to ruin the surprise of the shower for the bride.  But the day kept building with a facial, a mani-pedi, and then a sauna steam body wrap.  Because she was ushered around by the spa staff and didn’t see the bride, she couldn’t explain anything and didn’t have anyone’s phone number memorized. Three hours later, she saw the bride and told her the situation.  The bride was angry for her spa day treat being ruined by the guilt of missing her own bridal shower.

In the end, I should have known that the bride would have scheduled something when it seemed like she had “nothing on her schedule.” She was such a planner herself that a surprise just wasn’t possible or practical.  If you have a spontaneous bride, give it a whirl!  Otherwise, leave the surprises for Halloween and invite her to her special occasion with plenty of advance notice.

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Posted in Great Memories, showers | 1 Comment »

Boomerang Pals: Inviting Reconnected Friends to Your Wedding

Nov 9th, 2011 by

Thanks to Facebook and the other multitudes of social media, the folks who drifted apart after high school are drifting back together.  In fact, I used Facebook to organize a mini-reunion for the kids I was in marching band and chorus with all those years ago; we gathered at the location of our old school banquets and award ceremonies.  (It’s also a wedding reception hall!) Between the gossip of who is doing what and where, we found time to reflect and reminisce about the “simpler times” before cell phones, Twitter, HD televisions, and the Internet. Heck, one of our biggest complaints growing up was getting a busy signal when we tried to call our friends. People still wrote letters to each other and sent them through the mail.  And, most memorably, we had crushes on each other and hand holding was a big deal.  We also just started getting email by the time my graduating class got into college and we sent those annoying forwards to each other because we could, not because they were really funny or interesting.  As we took a trip down memory lane, we realized that because we didn’t have Facebook, most people in our circle of friends lost touch as we went to separate colleges and then pursued careers.  And this is where the dilemma came up about inviting long-lost high school friends to your wedding.

You see, now we all reconnected and felt that joyous sense of nostalgia together.  While it had been fifteen years since we had hung out together, we all seemed perfectly at ease together again.  Laughter and mirth surrounded us for those few hours that winter morning.  When we left to go back to our real lives, we all felt like we had come home again.  A few of the folks at the reunion were engaged to be married. Now that we had rekindled our friendships, ought not some of the most influential people in their childhoods be invited to their weddings?  When you have a limited budget but a big social circle, does a co-worker trump your best friend from eleventh grade when doling out the invitations?

Some of us did get invited to a couple of those weddings; most of us did not. I saw the photos posted as they passed my Facebook news feed, and I tried not to feel a pang of jealousy for the weddings I didn’t get invited to. Even if it wasn’t these friends from an era long ago, it is natural to watch those wedding photos go by and feel a little let down to not have been asked to attend anyone’s wedding in your life.

I’m so glad I reconnected with my classmates and, even if our reborn friendship didn’t warrant a wedding invitation, it doesn’t take away the years we had together marching around the football field or singing at concerts.  Reuniting with old friends may bring your pals back into your life in significant ways or it may just be another great memory that they are a part of. If you have the space, invite old friends–they were there when you had braces, pimples, and less-than-flattering hair; they want to celebrate with you in your new life!  If not, drop them a note and let them know that space wouldn’t allow it, but hopefully you’ll all get together soon.  As Elisabeth Foley said, “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

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The Tactile Delights of Letterpress Invitations

Nov 6th, 2011 by

I worked in colleges and universities directly with hundreds of students for about eleven years. During this time, I met engaged leaders in the residence hall community and was an advisor to clubs and organizations. Because of this wide network of former students, I receive between twenty to thirty wedding invitations every summer. Many are the traditional envelope enveloped in an envelope. The thick packets arrive at my mailbox with careful calligraphy on the return cards, instructions on where the bride and groom are registered, and a host of lodging options. The paper is high quality, usually 110 lb cardstock with the color-coded envelope to give us a preview of the colors at the wedding. The weight of the full invitation is a testament to the gravity and importance of marriage itself, like a small physical reminder of how special this event will be.

Sometimes there is glitter involved. Or bows. Or plaid.  Or a note on the sustainability of the paper used. Some are handcrafted while others ornately printed by a professional. One can imagine a gaggle of bridesmaids and family members gather around a kitchen table, armed with stamps and a check list, inserting the many pieces into the outer envelope.  I myself have been one of those participants many times and until you have been on the other side, you just have no idea what it takes to assemble a nine-piece invitation into the bundle that arrives at your mailbox. Most brides and grooms fret over each person lucky enough to receive one; they hem and haw over whether they should invite their college roommate or their second cousin once removed. Once the list is finalized, it is revisited regularly–sometimes until the day of the event.

Invitations, both grand and simple, are delightful reminders that the wedding they are announcing is an occasion and as such deserves attention. I am extraordinarily impressed by the sheer variety that is offered to brides.  From tree-free options to metal customized pieces, wedding invitations are an entire economy-stimulus of their own.

However, I must confess that once I met a woman who does letterpress printing, I fell in love with this style of invitation. The solemnity of the paper, the embossed printing, the creative coloration process all lend themselves to some of the most tactile-y pleasing invitations I have ever laid my hands on.  Original designer fees plus letterpress costs can be fairly expensive; however, there are several great customization options for pre-designed letterpress invitations already out there. Check out some of these designers:

I’m not saying that other invitations aren’t delightful as well, but there is something tangible, strong, and appealing about the old fashioned letterpress printing style. Order some samples and you’ll see what I’m talking about–there is nothing quite like the feel of letterpress.

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My Friend the Minister

Nov 6th, 2011 by

October is a month characterized by spooks and scares. I see it as a fitting month for wedding planning. Every choice that needs to be made haunts me.

weddingplanningEach locked-in decision is followed by a period of second-guessing, distinguished by worrying that something better might come along, wondering if the same exact thing might come along in a better price range, or thinking I may like whatever I’m deciding on at that very moment, but absolutely despise it in eight months.

However, I can unequivocally stand behind one decision that Fiance and I have made so far: hiring our best friend to be our officiant. Continue Reading »

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Posted in Ceremony | 1 Comment »

Tastings: Almost More Fun Than the Actual Wedding

Oct 26th, 2011 by

One of the best features of having our wedding at a restaurant we enjoy is that Fiance and I already know our guests are in for some good eats. But how to choose from an endless array of possibilities on the catering menu warranted the need to schedule a tasting with our coordinator, Wendie. Butlered hors d’oeurves, stationary appetizer displays, intermezzos, mouth-watering entrees; after looking through the four page menu of possibilities, I thought to myself “Yes, all of the above.”

Wedding reception tastings are important – and not so easy! Developing our menu for our tasting was an exercise in restraint, and I dreaded the thought of having to make a final decision (a common theme in my wedding planning to date).  I edited three iterations of my e-mail back to Wendie indicating which items had a shot at being on the final menu and should be prepared for our tasting, wrestling with whether or not requesting the filet mignon, crab-stuffed shrimp, crab-stuffed tilapia, and crab-stuffed crab for our tasting would come off as a bit greedy. In continuing with our environmentally-friendly theme, I decided that less would be more and picked items that were locally grown and raised, organic, and within our budget. I thought I had whittled down the list quite nicely, but Wendie gently indicated that I still maybe overdid it just a tad. The size of my eyes vs. that of my stomach often gets me into trouble, which also explains why I have slid backwards on progress towards my weight loss goals, but that’s a topic for another day. Continue Reading »

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