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Giving the Best Man Toast Does Not Mean Making A Groom Roast!

Jan 22nd, 2012 by

One Spring afternoon, I took my friend as my date to a wedding where I could bring a plus one.  We sat in the middle of the church pew watching the couple say their vows in a traditional Lutheran ceremony.  Hymns were sung, scripture was read, and in general, the wedding ceremony was a no-frills occasion. Not knowing this, my date and I had dressed to the nines for the event and were clearly the most chic pairing among the guests.  We joked that our “New York style” had infiltrated this charming small town wedding, but we felt better overdressed than under.  He was a good sport throughout the whole day, even sneaking away with me to grab a quick cappuccino after the ceremony and before the reception.  Because we arrived a tad bit late after our caffeine run, we missed the couple’s entrance to the reception hall but were seated in time to witness the Best Man and Maid of Honor speeches.

One of the most nerve-wracking moments for some brides and their grooms is during the reception when the Maid of Honor and the Best Man give their toasts. It is one of the few details that the wedded couple has no control over and are completely surprised by, making it both a terrific opportunity to set the tone and an area of possible anxiety. For this particular reception, the Best Man’s speech emulated a Friar’s Club celebrity roast instead of a tribute to a new union. He started out the speech with a joke that might have been best reserved for the bachelor party; audible awkward gasps and creaking chairs followed and the bride looked a little paler than her dress.  For a few minutes more, the Best Man referenced the first trip to Las Vegas with the now married groom and the shenanigans that occurred there.  At this point, the groom coughed audibly and angled himself toward the Best Man. Oblivious to discomfort of the majority of the guests, the Best Man prattled on. My plus one and I stared at each other agape at the lack of courtesy and romance in this toast, waiting for the merciful conclusion. Luckily, when it was over, the Maid of Honor’s toast was lighthearted, family friendly, and filled with stories of the newly married duo’s affection for each other.  On the wedding video, only brief clips of the Best Man’s toast are available to view.

What I learned from that wedding was simple: the Honor Attendants for a wedding need to follow six simple pieces of speech-giving advice to avoid the awkwardness I experienced that Spring:

  1. The shorter, the better.
  2. If you tell a story, choose one that reflects the couple as they are now, not as they might have been in their pre-coupled life.
  3. Avoid jokes: most people do not share a similar sense of humor and it’s impossible to know what the reception of your joke might be. Tread lightly in the humor category. (Though you may wish to go BIG, like this video shows, if you are going to use humor!)
  4. Try not to give too much advice; it might be taken the wrong way.
  5. Do not imbibe much during the cocktail hour; slurring your speech is in poor form.
  6. Remember: this is a toast. End your speech with a raising of the glasses and be sure to drink to your own toast!
Had the Best Man followed these simple rules, the toast he made would have been remembered with great fondness and love. It’s not amateur comedy hour; it’s a wedding reception. Toast, don’t roast the bride and groom!

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Posted in Reception, speeches, videography | No Comments »

Saving Money on Super Bowl Sunday

Jan 22nd, 2012 by

There is a great cost-saving trend that finds couples booking their reception venues on Friday evenings or Sundays.  While it makes it a bit more difficult for traveling friends and family, it can literally save thousands of dollars by choosing any weekend time other than Saturday. Off-peak weddings can make a huge monetary difference and, for budget conscious couples, sometimes the only way to have a dream wedding. I happened to be a reader at a lovely “winter wonderland” themed wedding during the most infamous of Sundays: the Super Bowl.  The wedding was planned on that date because the hotel ballroom at a prestigious Chicago venue was over $13,000 cheaper to host on that Sunday than on the Saturday.  As neither the groom nor the bride were big NFL fans, it didn’t even dawn on them that the first weekend in February was, well, the biggest television event of the year.

After they put their full payment down on the venue, they sent out the invitations. As soon as the first family member received his gorgeous wintry glittered envelope, the groom’s older brother called the couple. He informed them that they had booked the venue for Super Bowl Sunday; while they weren’t sure of who would be in the event quite yet, it was becoming clear that the beloved Chicago Bears may very well be in the running. To die hard Chicago sports fans, it would be an incredibly hard decision to choose the wedding over the game. However, it was too late: the money was in, the date was set, and the invitations were all away. Family and friends would have to decide between cheering on the bride and groom or Rex Grossman. RSVPs, not unexpectedly, were slow in being returned.

When the final count came out, it was clear who won: it wasn’t the Colts v. Bears, it was the bride plus groom. The Best Man’s toast, a native of the Windy City, commented mightily in his toast about the upcoming game and the analogy was that family comes first, no matter what.

Since this was before the iPhone was released, people were receiving text message updates and sharing the scores throughout the reception and dancing. Occasionally, the DJ would make mention of the score.  It was rumored that some of the cousins went to the hotel lobby to drink and watch the game, but we didn’t notice if they did pop out once in a while.  The party was delightful, but a lesson was learned: double-check with friends and family about your wedding date. It might be budgetarily better for you, but a schedule conflict may take away from your celebration.

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Posted in Ceremony, ideas, invitations, Planning, Reception | No Comments »

Not a Party for the Wedding Party

Jan 22nd, 2012 by

weddingplanning

If you are looking for the most fun you’ve never wanted to have, look no further than being a bridesmaid.

Not that I have any experience in this department. But from what I see regarding roles and responsibilities, it doesn’t seem to be much of a picnic. If you really want to punish someone, just ask them to be your maid of honor. This poor individual has the distinct pleasure of planning every little detail of your bridal shower, organizing the bachelorette party, coordinating with the rest of the bridal party, giving honest feedback for every dress you try on, managing an impossible mother of the bride, addressing invitations, and probably more I’m not yet aware of.

Your members of the wedding party have taken on a part time job that comes with no salary. Their lives can become just as much entangled in wedding planning as much as the bride’s and groom’s lives are.

Fiance and I considered not having a wedding party. We simply like our friends too much for that. We also considered hiring our wedding party by accepting resumes and curriculum vitae through our website.

But there’s also something very compelling about having your closest friends at your side when you make a life changing commitment such as marriage.
Continue Reading »

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When Did We Stop Wearing Pantyhose?

Jan 12th, 2012 by

I lived in Southern California for a few years. The area I lived in was 120 degrees in the summer and a balmy 70 in the winter.  Nothing irritated me more than after my steering wheel melted and just sitting down would us all to sweat, a person who never lived there would say, “But it’s a dry heat!”  As if the fact that green grass never grew in the desert and the fact that I never once needed a sweater would be tempered by their gentle reminder that not only was it hot, but it was bone dry. I had a love-hate relationship with the weather; it was 367 days after I moved there that it first rained.  I ran outside like a lunatic, waving my arms around and throwing caution to the wind in the middle of the street.  The sheer joy of some kind of change from the perpetual sunshine lasted all afternoon, and I learned to slowly acclimate to the weather.

It was there in the Inland Empire (what’s up, 909?!) that I first discovered that women don’t wear pantyhose anymore.  Having come from the great state of Pennsylvania for theprevious 18 years, I wore pantyhose to church, to the prom, and to my first professional jobs.  Maybe it was a 1990′s thing.  Maybe it was a regional thing. I don’t honestly know. All I know is, I wore pantyhose under skirts and dresses with professional or nice clothing. All of my colleagues, friends, and relatives wore them as well, even in summer if closed toed shoes were worn.  I used to fix the run in my nylons with clear nail polish.

Nowadays “getting a run in my stockings” is a phrase current college students don’t even get the reference to. And that’s my question: when did we stop wearing pantyhose? I was in a wedding in Florida and the bridesmaids all wore matching closed toed shoes.  I showed up, ready to change with all the gals in the church annex area that was our dressing area.  As we fussed about, the Mother of the Bride was getting all choked up as she helped her daughter into an ivory slip style wedding dress.  One of my fellow attendants noticed me start the process of rolling up my stockings in one hand, slipping my foot into one side, tugging them up to my calf, then rolling up the other leg and repeating this process.  She came over to me and exclaimed, “Why are you wearing those?”  Everyone stopped, looked over, and joined in the chorus of “Who wears pantyhose?” and some sundry giggles. It was then I realized that no one else, not even the bride, was wearing hosiery.

Bare legs for those of us untanned goddesses in a bridal party can look not-so-nice. Most stockings have great shaping support for the calves, thighs, and tummy areas that help smooth out the look of some bridesmaids gowns. It seemed that in Southern California and Florida, the trend was not to wear hose–even to formal or church functions. However, I most recently lived in Philadelphia and was surprised that, even in winter, many women now prefer to go hose-less–just like their warmer climate sisters.

My only hope, since I prefer to wear pantyhose, is that the rumors are true about Kate Middleton: she’s bringing back nude stockings!

Posted in accessories, Looking Good | 3 Comments »

Save the Date… or Don’t

Jan 11th, 2012 by

weddingplanningWhen Fiance and I finally decided on a venue and a date after 2.8 years of being engaged, we immediately told those critical to making our day special:

  1. Our parents
  2. Our siblings
  3. Our friend the officiant

Not to say that everyone else on the guest list isn’t important. We just assumed that those aforementioned would disseminate the update to others who might be on our guest list until we saw fit to send out our Save the Dates.

We assumed incorrectly.  I suppose it was a tad self-centered to think that having set a wedding date would have been big news worthy of family gossip.  I blame my egocentrism on the fact that we spent a lot of New Year’s Eves, Christmases and Thanksgivings over the years at the dinner table fielding endless questions about wedding plans and/or lack thereof.

Unfortunately, while we’re still more than six months out from the wedding (and I DO have my Save the Date cards hot off the presses), the news is coming too late for some members of my family, who have booked a major European vacation for that weekend in June. My mother called to share her disappointment that we didn’t tell them to pencil us in earlier in the year.

Everything I’ve read online says to send Save the Dates around the six month mark, and some websites say Save the Dates aren’t even necessary unless you are having a destination wedding. Fiance and I originally thought about not sending Save the Dates since that runs counter to our goals of having a sustainable wedding.  Either way, we weren’t even prepared to send anything until recently, as we needed just a little more time to tweak our guest list.

It certainly was a sobering reminder to Fiance and I that not everybody on our list is going to be able to make it to our wedding.

Don’t worry about my mother. She’s already over it because she’s identified “replacements” for my aunt and uncle who can’t come.

Any suggestions for politely telling someone they are encroaching on your B-List?

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A Tale of Two Dresses

Jan 10th, 2012 by

weddingplanningI made a costly mistake.

In 2009, shortly after we became engaged, I had the opportunity to travel to many countries off the beaten path with Fiance. Vietnam, stop number seven on our itinerary, had much to see and do; but we were told one thing that was an absolute must was to visit one of the many seamstress shops in Ho Chi Minh City and have garments custom tailored for us at an amazing price.

So I decided to have THE most important garment I will ever wear in my life made right there in Vietnam, to certain specifications I had in mind based on what I knew about my wedding plans in 2009:

  1. The venue was highly likely to be an exotic beach.
  2. 50 guests, tops.
  3. My budget would probably be pretty meager.

Fast forward to 2011. Our venue is a landlocked microbrewery, there’s 125 individuals on the guest list (so far), and my budget has inflated to keep pace with my ever-changing tastes.

Ergo, I’m less than enamored with the dress hanging up in my closet right now. I’ve been battling my desire to stay under budget with my desire to wear, well, a wedding dress. The first twinge of buyer’s remorse hit me when I returned home from my travels and realized I missed out on the mother-daughter bonding experience that is wedding dress shopping. My mom wasn’t very subtle about her disappointment, although to her credit, was genuinely happy that I had something so unique and personal. Our conversation prompted me to suggest that perhaps we could go to one bridal salon and try on a bunch of dresses for fun.

That bridal salon was Kleinfelds. BIG mistake.

With no pressure and no real budget, I chose the most stunning of dresses on the racks. I felt fabulously elegant playing dress up that day in exquisite ball gowns and couture mermaid dresses. I fell in love with a lace fit and flare silhouette that I knew would make jaws drop, and my consultant zeroed right in on exactly how I was feeling. She topped it off with a long veil and rhinestone headpiece, and I felt more bridal than I ever had wearing my Vietnamese dress.

My practical self won out over my emotional self that day and I left with no dress. But the damage is done. I’ve had a taste of what a wedding should feel like and I want more.

I happened to be talking to one of Fiance’s recently wedded co-workers a few months ago, and asked her about her dress. “Well,” she shared, “it’s a funny story, but I actually had two for my wedding…” She proceeded to tell me about falling out of love with her first dress. “Everybody has two dresses,” she said. “It’s just nobody tells you that.”

I tested her statement  with a friend who is designing our invitations. She revealed she also had two dresses for her wedding, but chose to use one for the ceremony and the other for the reception.

Perhaps I have found a way to have my cake and eat it too.

Ok… How many dresses do YOU have for your wedding?

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Posted in dresses, Looking Good | No Comments »

Smitten or Bitten? Twilight’s Wedding Influences

Jan 10th, 2012 by

With the tween sensation of Twilight hitting the bookshelves post-Harry Potter and then turning into a five part movie series, vampires and the forbidden romance seems to have taken hold on the romance world.  True Blood, Zombieland, and other tv shows and movies have continued the forward momentum. From the lure of the loves that we shouldn’t desire to the focus on the paranormal in young adult literature, more and more I’m finding a huge impact on relationships and families.  Even the Social Security Administration claims that Jacob and Isabella are the top two baby names for 2010. With that kind of impact, it’s no wonder there is an influx of Twilight pop culture wedding influences.

First, I found a few actual wedding shots featured on a Twilight fan site. Also there are entire posts all over the web devote to Twilight-inspired wedding ideas, thanks in part to sneak peaks of the Breaking Dawn wedding.  Here are some of my favorites:

  • I am in love with the Enchanted Forest arrangement.
  • A red, romantic collection of ruby chandelier earrings pulls this idea board together.
  • If you can make it through this video of 50 ideas to Twilight-ify your wedding, you are a true fan.
  • A Kristin Stewart fan site went all out to juxtapose quotes from the book with inspirational photos.
  • This blog has completely gorgeous table settings inspired by Twilight, but not the gothic portion of the books but the green, wooded naturescape of Forks, Washington.
  • For those looking for a signature drink, try this recipe: the Vampire.
  • Another post that has great cake ideas and favors for the Team Edward fans.
  • And of course, never leave Etsy unexplored: Twilight wedding items handcrafted just for you!
Second, if you are looking to incorporate quotes from the novels into your wedding in some way, here’s a short list that captures the drama, the romance, and the desire all wrapped up in just a few sentences:
  • I love you. I will always love you, no matter what.
  • You’re the very best part of my life.
  • I dream about being with you forever.
  • You are my life now.
  • Trust me just this once; you are the opposite of ordinary.
  • And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
  • I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.
  • You can sleep, sweetheart. I’ll carry you.
  • Your wish, my command.
  • You are my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.
  • I can feel what you are feeling now and you are worth it.
  • You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.
From Edward and Bella’s love of Debussy to their incredibly strong declarations of love (such as “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”), fans swoon over the romance within the novels.  I don’t think there is anything wrong whatsoever with themed weddings, but just remember: this is your wedding and any theme you and your spouse settle on needs to reflect the two of you!

Posted in accessories, catering, Ceremony, ideas, Looking Good, Planning | No Comments »

And I Don’t Even Have a Wedding Dress Yet

Jan 4th, 2012 by

weddingplanning I’m pretty sure my anti-bride’s guide to wedding planning suggested that the groom is responsible for picking out the tuxedo/garb/costumes for the dudes in the wedding party.

So I was a bit surprised when Fiancé tapped me on the shoulder on Monday and requested my presence at his appointment with Men’s Wearhouse.

Not knowing a tail from a double breasted jacket, I agreed to accompany Fiancé to at least dissuade him from walking out with a Zoot Suit or something Asian inspired.  Not to offend any grooms who have chosen to go either of those routes for their own weddings;  Fiancé’s  short Irish stature is simply suited towards something a little more traditional.

We were fortunate to be the only patrons at Men’s Wearhouse at 8pm on a Monday night. Men’s Wearhouse was our choice of provider as the men in our wedding party are not all geographically located close to our venue; with multiple locations in the Northeast, our friends can easily stop in at a store that is convenient for them to get fitted and pick up their tuxes prior to the wedding.

Stephon, our consultant, greeted us enthusiastically and asked what we were looking for.  We greeted Stephon back with blank stares.

It was clear we were going to need remedial tuxedo training.

With extreme patience, Stephon clarified the differences between lapel styles, explained that men of Fiance’s build should avoid jackets with more than two buttons, and threw together a few ensembles using our chosen wedding colors of burgundy, black, and silver. Fiance, to his credit, only looked mildly disappointed that Men’s Wearhouse didn’t carry anything in cheetah print or Indiana Jones inspired.

After playing dress-up with a man who traditionally likes to throw on old hooded sweatshirts and cargo pants, we finally decided on a classy one-button jacket, a black shirt, and platinum Tuscany vest and matching tie. We high-fived each other, feeling good about checking another to-do off the list, until Stephon politely reminded us that we still needed to make a selection for the groomsmen. We responded with the same blank stares we had greeted him earlier with.

“Can’t they just wear the same thing?” I asked.

Apparently, the groom is supposed to be slightly different from the rest of the men in the party. We were a little bit disappointed to learn that since we liked our particular selection so much, but Stephon suggested we could get away with a little bit of cloning as long as there were subtle differences in their accessories, such as the pocket squares and boutonnieres.

“Or differences in our fedoras,” Fiance suggested.

Marriage is all about compromise. I’m just thrilled he won’t be standing at the altar with a bullwhip.

Vests or cummerbunds? Tophats and tails? Share your tuxedo stories here!

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Posted in Looking Good, tuxedos | No Comments »

Freedom in Simplicity

Jan 2nd, 2012 by

I recently left my job of long hours and little personal reward to do something I perceive as a better fit… for less pay.

Any rational human being would wonder what possessed me to take a salary cut when I have above average bills to pay (thanks, New Jersey) and only a few short months to my wedding.

Does it mean I have to cut my guest list? No.

Go with a cash bar instead of open bar? No.

Have a DJ instead of a band? Well, yes, but we were doing that anyway.

Continue Reading »

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Posted in money, Planning | No Comments »

Life is the Flower For Which Love is the Honey

Jan 2nd, 2012 by

One of my best friends got married to his beautiful, intelligent, charming wife in the early summer of 2001. I arrived a week early to help with all of the preparations since, as his Best Man (well, we chose Simply the Best as my title since I happen to be female) those details fell within my responsibilities.  The couple chose the location to save costs and because it had great meaning to them both; it was her family homestead amidst the glorious greenery of Minnesota where they had spent ample time in their courtship.  The flowers were all in bloom in the garden and the gentle breezes cooled the landscape. I remember the earthy smell of the place and the whole in-nature concept fit the couple perfectly.  They rented tables and a tent for the outside seating and had a couple of port-a-johns brought in to not overwhelm the old farmhouse’s ancient bathroom. It was simple, romantic, natural, and lovely.

As in all things, simple can sometimes become complicated. We stumbled upon a very interesting problem the day before the wedding and rather shocking problem the morning of the wedding.  We removed our shoes for the rehearsal (the wedding was simple and lacking in opulence and the entire bridal party went barefoot) and started walking down the garden path to the arbor under which the bride and groom would be united. As I placed my feet on a patch of clover, I noticed that bumblebees were buzzing about collecting pollen and generally being bumblebees. This was an immediate concern for me personally because I am deathly allergic to bee stings. One sting and I’d swell up like Violet Beauregarde, needing immediate assistance from EMTs. With shoes on, I rarely worry about where I plod along in grassy spaces; shoeless, I was not as confident. We created a path directly to the arbor that avoided clover and wildflower, minimizing the chances of me tromping on a bee. Also, I created out of a spare garter a way to conceal my epi-pen should I need to inject myself during the ceremony.

Crisis averted.

Or so we thought.

In the morning, we all went outside to confirm the setup of chairs and sundry items for the ceremony when we heard this phenomenal buzzing noise.  We looked up to see a large ball of bees squirming around each other on the wedding arbor.  It was just your average, every day run-of-the-mill bee swarm. Now as any apiarist can tell you, bee swarms are common and nothing to be, entirely, frightened of. However, in less than two hours we needed that arbor for the wedding vows. Now we had hand woven roses throughout the entire structure which took hours, so no one was going down without a fight over the use of the arbor. We found the Father of the Bride who came to the rescue with a beekeeper’s smoker (it’s amazing to me what people have in their garden sheds).  He gently persuaded the swarm to disperse and relocate somewhere else.  The ceremony went off without a hitch, and barefooted and rooted in the earth, my best friend married his wife.

What did I learn from this experience? Find out who in your wedding party has allergies to anything that might be unique about the location or that might stem from your ceremony. Besides the weather, there are other considerations for an outdoor wedding.  Also, marry into a family who knows to handle bees.

 

**title quote by Victor Hugo

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