Save the Date… or Don’t


When Fiance and I finally decided on a venue and a date after 2.8 years of being engaged, we immediately told those critical to making our day special:

  1. Our parents
  2. Our siblings
  3. Our friend the officiant

Not to say that everyone else on the guest list isn’t important. We just assumed that those aforementioned would disseminate the update to others who might be on our guest list until we saw fit to send out our Save the Dates.

We assumed incorrectly.  I suppose it was a tad self-centered to think that having set a wedding date would have been big news worthy of family gossip.  I blame my egocentrism on the fact that we spent a lot of New Year’s Eves, Christmases and Thanksgivings over the years at the dinner table fielding endless questions about wedding plans and/or lack thereof.

Unfortunately, while we’re still more than six months out from the wedding (and I DO have my Save the Date cards hot off the presses), the news is coming too late for some members of my family, who have booked a major European vacation for that weekend in June. My mother called to share her disappointment that we didn’t tell them to pencil us in earlier in the year.

Everything I’ve read online says to send Save the Dates around the six month mark, and some websites say Save the Dates aren’t even necessary unless you are having a destination wedding. Fiance and I originally thought about not sending Save the Dates since that runs counter to our goals of having a sustainable wedding.  Either way, we weren’t even prepared to send anything until recently, as we needed just a little more time to tweak our guest list.

It certainly was a sobering reminder to Fiance and I that not everybody on our list is going to be able to make it to our wedding.

Don’t worry about my mother. She’s already over it because she’s identified “replacements” for my aunt and uncle who can’t come.

Any suggestions for politely telling someone they are encroaching on your B-List?

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