I definitely believe in marriage, in a surprising life, fully connected with your beloved and blessed by God in a gracious union. Anyone with the same beliefs would think that a bride and a groom can’t wait for the beginning of their story as a married couple.
As a matter of fact, here starts the problem: the onset of post-wedding blues.
Surprised? Dear newlywed couples, marriage is not simply about the wedding and the preparations. Don’t get me wrong: they are important. However they are not crucial for your married life, or for your life as an individual, in its entirety.
Generally speaking, depression is a big problem, especially nowadays. Compared to a less successful wedding, depression is an issue that may deeply affect your life, with critical impact not only on your family life but on your mental and physical health.
One in ten women experience depression in the first year of marriage, and the number of couples seeking post-nuptial counseling is on the rise says Psychology Today.
Top 3 reasons of the post wedding blues
1. Not thinking about your life as a couple after marriage.
Maybe you’ve lived together for a while before deciding to get married. Maybe you think you know each other very well. Maybe there are no secrets for you regarding one another and you believe all this will bring you what you need to have a happy life.
All these are important, but the list is incomplete. It is simple: living as lovers is quite different from a life as husband and wife. Being just lovers means you are not bound in any way, means you can practically leave the boat any time you feel like and gives you the moral freedom to do anything you want as an individual, not as a couple. Psychologically speaking, you don’t see the other one as your half.
Marriage is totally different, compared to “lovers” statute. It brings together two people, with different background and education, that have planned to have a life in common in all possible ways, without the moral freedom to leave anytime one feels the hard moments (of course, we are not talking about physical or mental aggressive patterns or other similar situations).
2. Excessive dieting to reach the supreme measures 90-60-90 on the big day.
For good or bad, many see it as desirable to look as a model, especially on your wedding day. But this is not a standard for either happiness or a long-lasting relationship. Remember: happiness and how to work together to keep a long relationship are the main objectives if you want a truly amazing marriage.
I know a lot of women who used to look very attractive before marriage and on the wedding day. Then, out of the blue, in less than a year, they started to look older and increased their weight. Surprise: they were very unhappy. Why?
Maybe because they had relied on temporary things and not on strong, inherent beliefs and a natural lifestyle.
3. The high costs of the event, or even worse, a dramatic exceeding of the planned budget.
Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of my friends talking and arguing about enormous amounts they dedicated to this event. Indeed, it is an important day and it should go smoothly. However, even if you have inherited a big fortune or you are the child of some parents, expenses should not cross the line. More than that, if lean on credit as a way to fund your dream wedding, you should reflect even more carefully. The real burden of the expense will come after the event.
Recommendations to help prevent the wedding blues
- Collect and record as many beautiful moments as possible from your wedding day and cherish them together with your husband.
- If possible, book a trip within the next 3-4 months after the wedding.
- Consider a hobby, because the wedding planning kept you so busy once and now you’re left without any spectacular things to do. Find them!
- Keep your social life alive. Continue to meet your friends and have a little time for yourself. Doubtless, you are one with your husband, however some short moments alone or with friends will give you the chance to miss one each other and feel you still have independence.
Once you are out of the danger of wedding blues, think of a happy marriage as one of the most important projects in your life.
- Understand you and your half are fundamentally different persons, with irritating moments or habits. A ring will, in itself, bring happiness, but in most of the cases, wisdom will come over the years.
- Lower your expectations. Even if it may sound a little cynical, it could be a wise thing to do. Love, in its very first moments, tends to hide, let’s say, those parts we don’t like in someone that will be certainly revealed when we less expect. Enjoy the imperfections!
And one last piece of wisdom: never stop working on your marriage. Together marriage is work in progress… until death do you part.